The Unnamed Entity
by Eleida
Summary: I actually updated! I can hardly believe it. Holly wishes she had a gun, Root wishes Lily Frond would drop of the face of the earth, Artemis wishes he had a sweater, and everyone wishes that Opal Koboi wasn't quite so deranged.
1. A Prologue of Sorts

A/N: Ok, I was at school discussing Artemis Fowl wit ha friend who said she was going to explode if she didn't read more about him. I told her, jokingly, I would write her another book to show my devotion as a friend and keep her from exploding. However, she took it very literally, and we now have a bet on. If I finish my version of the third Artemis Fowl before Eoin Colfer publishes his, I win. If I don't finish and or if Eoin Colfer publishes first, I lose. So as long as I'm writing this, I might as well post it.  
  
This is a sort of a prologue, so it's short. I also haven't decided on a title, so it will probably change. Just to warn you.  
  
How dumb did they think she was?  
  
They sent Opal to Howler's Peak, and though it should have been a punishment, there was nothing she would have liked better. The prison was built to contain goblins, not pixies. It would be a simple matter climb into the ventilation ducts to escape. The ducts were small enough to keep goblins from escaping, but not pixies. No doubt it would take her some time of exploring to find a way that would lead her out, but Opal could wait. It would be cramped, but you had to be willing to put up with some pain to get what you wanted.  
  
Opal knew how to make the most of her resources. Normally there wouldn't have been many of them in a maximum security prison, but in Howler's Peak, there were goblins. And as she had knew well, goblins were the easiest creatures on the planet to manipulate. As deranged as he had been, she had learned a thing or two from Cudgeon. Opal hadn't even been in her cell for an hour before she worked out a plan.  
  
It would be easy enough to convince the goblins that she had no knowledge of Cudgeon's betrayal of them, and tell them how she was a victim of his treachery as well as them. She would ask the goblins in neighboring cells to dispose of the food when she left, and after she had sorted out her affairs with fake id and such, she would promise to let them out of prison. And she actually would let them out - in the hectic riot that would follow, it would take them longer to realize she was missing.  
  
There was only one thing that would have made her plan better. If only Briar Cudgeon could have survived... It would have brought peace back to her if she could have wrung his neck until he died of strangulation. Or maybe to have pretended to forgive him, slip a fatal laxative in his coffee, and reveal in his last moments that she had betrayed him as he had her. But he was already dead, so she would have to find someone else to vent her feelings on. The four who had broken into Koboi labs seemed like good choices, although it would be hard to get at the Mud Men. And if it was the last thing she did, she would get revenge Foaly, the infuriating, idiot centaur. But she would save him for last, so he would have the honor of seeing the others die.  
  
For a while, she wondered if she was being a bit harsh. But the little pixie was filled with hatred and her need for vengeance was overwhelming. Her remorseful thoughts were quickly dispelled as she discovered the lonely, loathsome life of imprisonment. Only the thought of retribution kept her going in the dark, cold cell filled with gibbering goblins.  
  
So she explored the air ducts thoroughly, and carefully bided her time... 


	2. A Close Call

Yes, I'm sucha dork that I'm posting another chapter already. The rest won't come this fast, tho.  
  
***  
  
Holly rushed on the freeway, swinging her buzz baton threateningly at anyone who got in her way. Once again, she was cutting it fine in getting to work on time. But if she hurried, she would be able to make it.  
  
As she approached the office where she would report in for work, she heard Root's familiar bellowing. She had just reached the door when an elf stumbled out, looking thoroughly traumatized. Holly gulped. Obviously, Root wasn't in a very good mood today.  
  
"Good to see you're actually on time today, Short," growled Root. Either she was doing a good job of hiding how out-of-breath she was, or he hadn't noticed.  
  
"Thank you, sir."  
  
"We have a hold-up at Buffalograss Banking on Avenue B41. I have a squad of back-up waiting outside. The robbers are armed, and one shot a bystander in the leg when the clerk refused to hand over the money, so they're not afraid to fire. I hope you remembered to wear your regulation vest." Holly met his gaze squarely, but squirmed inwardly. She'd been in such a hurry she hadn't bothered to put it on. "Get over there as fast as you can, or they'll get away, and we'll have a high-speed chase on our hands." Holly grimaced. High-speed chases were always horrible. They caused a lot of public anxiety, and someone - usually a civilian - ended up getting hurt.  
  
"I'm on it, sir," she replied, and without waiting to be dismissed, she sprinted out of the office.  
  
As Root had said, there was a squad waiting outside in an armored vehicle. Holly slid into the driver's seat. The squad consisted of two burly and ugly gremlins, a young, nervous-looking elf who must have been straight out of training, and a sprite, with the classic, smug, "I'm the most superior being ever to bless the face of this planet" smile on his face.  
  
Within moments they were parked outside Buffalograss, and within seconds of parking, Holly was in the building, Neutrino 2000 in hand. The robbers were still there, stereotypically dressed in black with their faces covered. There were 8 of them, and it was obvious that they were goblins, because of their shape and size.  
  
To Holly's surprise and chagrin, the goblins opened fire. She had been hoping this would be a routine run. She ducked underneath a nearby counter, and with a couple well-placed shots, put 2 of them out of commission. The back-up squad followed suit, and things were going fine. Then Holly heard someone behind her. She whirled, but not quickly enough. A tall form she hadn't seen on her initial scan of the building was there, and had a gun pointed directly at her head. Pressing it into her temple, he shouted, "Don't anyone shoot, or your Captain here is toast," he said, voice muffled by the mask. Surprised, the squad stopped firing. "Very good," continued the goblin. "Now drop your weapons and put your hands in the air." Holly considered. She would have time to shoot him before he shot her, but her setting was up too high for a close range shot, and it would likely be fatal. The very first fatality on her record. She didn't like the idea, and there were other alternatives. So she compliantly dropped her neutrino, and put her hands in the air.  
  
The goblin pulled off his black mask to reveal a wide, reptilian grin. iOh, great, /i thought Holly. The only kind of criminal stupid enough to take off his mask to brag was the dense, melodramatic kind, who had spent too much of his childhood watching the vids. The goblin proved her suspicions correct when he clapped a hand on Holly's shoulder and began steering her to the center of the room, gloating.  
  
"Oh, you LEP officers think you're so smart. So tough, so strong. But look how easily you are defeated." His smile widened, and he looked at Holly. There was a strange gleam in his eyes. He seemed intoxicated with his power.  
  
"So, Miss Captain," the elf continued ranting. "How do you feel now, hmm? Have you realized yet that you're a mere mortal, just like the rest of us? That I could end your life with a twitch of my finger?"  
  
"I would abandon your scare tactics, sir, because they won't work. This isn't the first time I've had some lunatic waving a gun in my face," Holly answered coolly. And without waiting for his reaction, she brought her hand up full force into the arm holding the gun. It wasn't enough to disarm him, but it meant when he fired, the bullet went a good three inches over the top of Holly's head.  
  
Holly was trained for personal combat, and this was some gangster from the street. Since it was obvious she would win in the end anyway, Holly didn't see any reason to prolong a fight, and simply punched him in the forehead. The goblin crumpled, and Holly smiled sweetly at the three remaining robbers. She picked her Neutrino up off the floor, and jacked the setting up to 4 - she didn't intend to fire anyway. It was an ominous gesture, and the burglars began slowly backing away into a corner. One pretended to trip on a fellow conspirator's foot and fall unconscious, and the other two surrendered.  
  
Holly was feeling pretty pleased with herself as they escorted the goblins outside. She'd barely been on the job for 10 minutes, and had apprehended 9 people. No sooner had she seated herself in the vehicle when a familiar voice crackled from the intercom.  
  
"Holly, you alright?" asked Foaly's voice.  
  
"Nope. I died. Them goblins, they're just too smart for me," responded Holly lightly.  
  
"That's a pity. I'll be sure to come to your funeral."  
  
"It's good to know I have a friend."  
  
"Only one? What a pathetic life you must have."  
  
"Well, it's one more than you'll ever have."  
  
"Ouch. I'm hurt."  
  
"Poor baby." Holly heard a loud growling sound in the background, which recognized with surprise as Root's. Something was going on if Root was in the Op Booth with Foaly.  
  
"Ah, so, anyway..." continued Foaly. "You're to get to Police Plaza as soon as you can. There's going to be an emergency briefing. All Recon officers to be in attendance."  
  
"An emergency briefing?" Holly asked, on the alert. "What happened?"  
  
"Erm. just get to Police Plaza, ok?"  
  
"Sure," said Holly, mystified. Foaly cut off the connection with a click, and Holly was left to wonder what could possibly cause an emergency meeting - even the Artemis Fowl affair hadn't prompted one.  
  
Several minutes later, Holly was back in Police Plaza, sitting on a cheap, steel chair in some huge storage room she hadn't even known existed. Usually important briefings took place in the Operations Booth, but there wasn't enough room for the entire LEPRecon unit there.  
  
Commander Root stood at the front of the room, and motioned for silence. His looked very tired.  
  
"I was just given the news," he began, his loud and gruff voice booming to the back of the room. "That there was a break-in at Howler's Peak." Holly blinked in surprise. She wasn't the only one; she heard muffled exclamations and sharp intakes of breath from all around the room. No one had ever successfully broken into Howler's Peak before.  
  
"Over 75% of the population was set free." Someone swore loudly. Root continued. "Doubtless you have all realized the repercussions of this. You don't get into Recon if you're an idiot, although I have my doubts about some of you. The LEP will have to go into overdrive like it never has before. It will be next to impossible to maintain the protection of the general population with hundreds of goblins on the loose plus the normal barrage of crimes." He scanned the room wearily. "All of you will work a double-shift today. Everyone will help with the recapturing, even those on Traffic and Stakeout duty. At the end of your shifts, come back to this room, and we'll discuss further action."  
  
"I hope you understand the situation, and have studied your protocol for mass escapes. This meeting is dismissed." Holly was just standing up when Root's voice bellowed out again. "And Short, I need to speak with you."  
  
Holly watched as everyone else filed out, silent with grim determination. She approached Root when they were alone. "Sir?"  
  
"You didn't wear your LEP vest this morning, Captain." Holly looked at him quizzically. It was true, but Commanders didn't waste time telling officers that in the middle of a crisis. Root sighed and sat himself on a chair. "Captain, there was an assassination attempt on you this morning."  
  
Holly stared, and then laughed. "If you can call that crazy goblin waving a gun at me an assassination attempt, I guess so." But Root shook his head.  
  
"There was a bomb in your LEP vest. It exploded in your room this morning, injuring a passing pedestrian."  
  
It took a moment for Holly to absorb this. The enormity of how close she had come to death, and how it was by sheer luck she had avoided it. Then another thought struck her.  
  
"Who...?"  
  
Root bit his lip. "We don't know, but... Opal Koboi was among those who escaped this morning."  
  
Holly didn't know what to say.  
  
"Normally you would be given a bodyguard after this attempt. But today, we can't spare anyone. So I've decided that the safest place for you is aboveground."  
  
Holly's horror turned to delight in seconds. She hadn't been aboveground since rescuing Artemis Fowl's father. Root seemed to think that she had had far more than her share of adventure over the past two years.  
  
Root must have seen her expression, because he sharply said "Don't think this is a vacation. You'll be going with a mission." Holly grinned. All the better - she loved her work.  
  
"Foaly recently had a lead on the whereabouts of Mulch Diggums. We have reason to believe that he is currently residing in Barcelona, Spain. We will be sending you there to apprehend him. Foaly will brief you once you get to the surface - I don't want you spending any more time underground than you have to."  
  
"Yes, sir," Holly managed to say, hardly able to believe her luck. A trip aboveground, and a chance to crack down on Mulch Diggums.  
  
"Get over to E12, pronto. And you better be running hot," he added, glaring at her. It was an unnecessary reminder. Holly had learned her lesson.  
  
"Yessir," she said, saluting. But before she left, she couldn't help pausing. "Commander?"  
  
"Yes, Holly?"  
  
"What about you?" He looked up at her.  
  
"What do you mean, what about me?"  
  
"Opal Koboi is supposedly after me because I helped stop her and Cudgeon last year. You were there, and you are a Commander, a leader. You should be in even more danger than me."  
  
The commander smiled grimly. "I'm a big boy, Holly, I can take care of myself. Now get over to E12. Now!" Holly didn't stop to argue. But she couldn't help glancing over her shoulder as she left, concern etched on her face. The commander was so busy worrying about his officers, he rarely took the time to think about himself. 


	3. Midnight in Barcelona

Disclaimer: Oops, forgot this last time. Don't sue me *cringes*. Everything is Eoin Colfer's, except the plot and several other tidbits I was forced to fabricate in order to make a smooth story. And Barcelona, obviously. I don't know who Barcelona belongs to, but it's not me or Eoin Colfer. 

AN: This chapter is one big sort of a filler – I need it there to get from point A of the plot to point B, so that I may thus commence to points C/D/E/etc. So it's not your most action-packed thriller. And I took the liberty of inventing the phrase 'overday', because I couldn't say overnight, because it didn't make sense (you'll understand when you read it). 

And Rainbow Kitty: I'd like to especially thank you for your first review – it's true, and I appreciate your telling me very greatly. The whole point of reviews is to improve your story. Because I'm a stupid, unimaginative twit I can't think of any other way for her to escape right now. But I'll certainly think about it.

AAN: (Another Author's Note): I have edited this chapter be longer... so if you've already read it... you'll have to read it again. eh.

***

**Chute E12**

Holly tapped her finger on her belt impatiently, waiting for a gaggle of giggling tourists to pass by. The entrance to E12 was directly across from the Palau de Musica, which, while it didn't attract the attention of a Gaudi building, certainly drew quite a crowd. She would be invisible to human eye, of course, but shielding didn't stop her from being solid, and it would be impossible to get out without bumping someone right now. 

She decided to take advantage of the delay, and turned on her helmet mike. 

"Foaly?" 

"Let me guess. Captain Holly Short turns to me, the Great Centaur, seeking enlightenment on the whereabouts of a certain dwarf she has been sent to apprehend." 

"And Captain Holly Short will be booting some centaur behind when she gets back belowground if this particular Great Centaur doesn't quit his arrogant mooning and brief her right away." 

"I'm in no immediate danger, then. By the looks of things, you're not coming home for a long time. The LEP is no closer to catching Opal Koboi than the bunny rabbits are to discovering the chemical imbalances in uranium 238 and building a nuclear power plant." 

This caught Holly off guard. "What am I supposed to do then – stay overday? It's not like I can just book a hotel room. 3-foot tall girls with pointy ears wearing fully armed green jumpsuits are rather conspicuous." 

"Don't you worry your little head about it. Uncle Foaly will have everything sorted out for you long before the night's out." 

"Well, in the meantime, would you mind briefing me?" 

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm getting to it. So... For a while, Mulch remained perfectly invisible. For about five months I haven't been able to find so much as a hair of him. But he got sloppy a couple nights ago. Broke into a Spanish museum, and left us a nice dwarven footprint. And also confused a lot of human police who couldn't figure out what the heck kind of animal has a print like that. So once I knew that he was in Barcelona, it was easy enough. I just ran a scan of all foreign – " 

"Foaly?" Holly interrupted. 

"Yes?" 

"Just shut up about your clever deductions and skip to the important part." 

"Tut tut. Patience is a virtue, you know." She could almost see his cocky, offended look. 

"Well, someone tried to assassinate me this morning. Doesn't that give me an excuse to be irritable?" 

"No. So anyway, Mulch is currently residing on the second floor of the Hotel Ruben. Room 211. My guess is since he's in a hotel, he's just stopping by to do a few jobs, and he'll be out of there pretty fast. So you better move quick." 

"It won't be a problem," Holly smirked. 

"You're way too overconfident. One of these days it'll kill you." 

"Hey, my history of keeping myself alive is pretty good at this point." 

"It won't be if you don't leave for Hotel Ruben right now, because Root will skin you alive if you mess this up." 

"Keep in touch, then,' she said, and after checking to see the coast was clear, she stepped out onto the lamplit street. 

***

**On the Rambla Cataluna, Barcelona, Spain**

Artemis knew how to think like a criminal, considering he was one, and he figured he knew exactly what Mulch would do. The LEP knew Mulch wasn't stupid enough go back to Los Angeles when he got his two-day head start - so naturally, that was exactly what he would do. 

He'd been there for two months when Artemis Fowl contacted him. Since then, they'd been working as a team. It was the perfect arrangement; Artemis would hack into a company's database and get Mulch blueprints, information on the security systems, or whatever else he needed, and Mulch would do what he did best. And when Angeline Fowl had decided that upon Artemis Fowl Senior's release from the hospital they were going to tour Europe in celebration, Artemis decided it was time to meet with Mulch in person. 

Mulch had agreed to meet Artemis in Barcelona, Spain. It hadn't been too hard to convince him; Barcelona was Mulch's kind of city. Teeming with national treasures, rich foreigners, and gullible tourists 

And so today, or more specifically tonight, the Fowls were in Barcelona, and Artemis was waiting outside his hotel where he had agreed to meet Mulch. He rubbed his sleepy eyes, vision blurring. The dwarf had absolutely refused to come out during the day, so now Artemis was stuck out on a deserted street well past midnight. And he didn't even have Butler with him. Mulch was, quite bluntly, terrified of the bodyguard, and considering Butler still "owed him something", he had no desire to be anywhere within a 100-mile radius of him, let alone on the same street curb as him. 

Just then, Artemis thought he saw a shadow moving. He squinted into the night, and discerned a squat figure tip-toeing toward him. A moment later he detected a mild, rancid scent, and wrinkled his nose in distaste. No doubt about it, it was Mulch.

"Took you long enough," he said testily. 

"It's good to see you too, Mud Boy," said the dwarf, his whiny voice echoing around the empty street. 

"I said to be here at 12:00, not 12:30. Can't you tell time?" Artemis sniffed irritably. 

"Hey, you didn't have to wait here. So, kid, what do you want?" 

"I have a new proposal. My family will reside in Barcelona for five days, so we have that length of time to get everything together. I believe it is time for us to leave behind petty theft, and get into the big-time. So I thought – " But exactly what Artemis thought, Mulch was never to find out. Artemis's voice petered out, and he was left mouthing soundlessly. For some reason, Mulch was hovering a good 5 inches off the ground, and it suitably distracted Artemis. He blinked vigorously, wondering if he was hallucinating. But no, Mulch was indeed floating. And not only that, but he had started blubbering incoherently. 

A strangely familiar voice resonated from nearby. "Hello, Mulch," it said calmly. It was impossible for Artemis not to recognize that tone, that accent. 

"_Holly_?" he said in amazement. But no one heard the whispered name; Mulch's blubbering sufficiently drowned him out.

"Officer Short... What a pleasant surprise," said Mulch, gulping nervously as Holly dappled into view. 

"The pleasure's all mine," said Holly with a malicious grin. She began powering up her buzz baton, obviously expecting Mulch to make a bid for freedom sometime in the near future. 

Mulch rounded on Artemis. "You! You planned this, didn't you, Mud Boy? This was all a trick so you could get your hands on some bounty money from the LEP." Artemis opened his mouth to protest, but Holly beat him to it. 

"Yeah, right," she scoffed. "As if the LEP needs Artemis Fowl's help to apprehend a petty thief. Don't flatter yourself, convict." 

Artemis was considering his options. He could remain an innocent bystander in this situation, and allow Captain Short to escort Mulch back underground. Or he could try to help the dwarf. Either way, he lost something – in the first option, his alliance with Mulch, and in the second, the LEP's trust. On the whole, he decided he probably preferred his alliance with Mulch. 

Holly's voice broke through his thoughts. "What are you doing here, Fowl?" 

"Vacationing with my family," he answered. 

"Stop pretending to be an idiot. You're no good at it. What are you doing _here_?" 

"Meeting up with my old friend Mulch," he supplied. Holly sighed. 

"Maybe you are stupider than I thought, because you seem to have forgotten the fact that I could use the mesmer on you to find out exactly what I want to know, but I'm being nice. Let's try this one more time. What are you doing here?" 

"Organizing my latest ring of crimes with my co-conspirator Mr. Mulch Diggums," Artemis answered without thought, his brain still occupied with searching for a way to free Mulch. 

"That's better," said Holly, apparently satisfied. She turned her attention back to Mulch. 

But something was wrong with the dwarf. Artemis, whose eyes were not accustomed to night vision like fairy's, couldn't see it, but Holly could. And even if she couldn't have, she would have known already something was wrong. Mulch normally would already have vented some gas at her, and made at least a couple escape attempts. 

She studied his face. His eyes were blank and unfocused; his mouth was slack, and he wasn't reacting to anything going on. Her gun hand drifted instinctively to her Neutrino, and she scanned the area. 

Holly thought she saw a flicker in the shadows at her feet, and drew her weapon in one fluid motion. Artemis leapt to his feet in alarm. 

"What is it, Captain?" he asked, wishing more than ever he had brought Butler with him. 

Holly ignored him. "Show yourself," she commanded. 

Something bit Holly on the ankle, and Holly looked down to see a hypodermic dart protruding from her suit. "Not again..." she muttered. Fighting off the instant numbing effects of the tranquilizer, she turned to Artemis. "There's another fairy here," she said, unbuckling her helmet and shoving it into the hands of the surprised human. "Take this. Contact Foaly. Get into a h – hu - " Holly's voice died on her, and she began sinking to the ground. 

Artemis's brain raced. What had Holly been about to say? In a few seconds it came to him. Get into a human dwelling. Fairies couldn't enter human dwellings. 

Artemis made a dash for the door of the Hotel Ruben. He felt bad about leaving Holly and Mulch out on the street, but he wouldn't be able to drag them in. But as it turned out, it didn't matter anyway, because Artemis never made it through the door of the hotel. 

"_Stop!_" 

Against his will, Artemis found his legs obeying the command. 

"_Come back._" The voice was layered with mesmer, and Artemis felt dizzy with the effort of trying to fight it. He tripped over the curb, and as if in a dream, landed face first on the pavement. The voice giggled. 

"_Go to sleep, Mud Boy..._" And Artemis found his eyelids growing heavy, his mind drifting lazily off into unconsciousness.


	4. Reviewing the Situation

**AN: If you didn't read the revised edition of Chapter 2 (Midnight in Barcelona) go back and read it. I decided to expand it a bit, and some *fairly* important action takes place in the new additions. **

*** 

"Commander, this is an emergency." 

"Incase you haven't noticed, Foaly, we already have an emergency here. Forgive me, but I have better things to do than listen to your bizarre theories right now." 

"Julius, I'm serious," the centaur brayed into his mike system. "You should really see this." 

"For the last time, don't call me Julius! Later, Foaly." 

"Commander, Captain Short and Mulch Diggums have been abducted," Foaly practically shouted. There was no need to mention Artemis Fowl or Opal Koboi yet – he just needed to get Root's attention. There was a pronounced pause on the other end of the line. 

"Are you positive?" asked Root slowly. Foaly sighed. 

"Yes, Commander, I'm positive." 

"Fine. I'll be over there in a minute. And this had better be good, or I'll have your hide." 

*** 

Artemis woke up with his face in the ground, the stale smell of dust strong in his nostrils. He let out a muffled groan, and rolled onto his back. 

He opened his eyes, and nothing happened. Everything around him was still pitch black. He blinked furiously, until he wasn't sure whether his eyes were opened or closed. It was a strange sensation. 

"Is that you, Fowl?" someone asked. Artemis tried to answer, but all that came out was a strange sort of gurgling noise. The person snorted in amusement. "I'll take that as a yes." 

Artemis tried to think. Who was this person? Where was he? What had happened? He propped himself up on his knees, and then slowly stood. He stretched his arms out around him, trying to orient himself. Suddenly, without any warning, the memory of the previous night hit him like a ton of bricks on the head. The revelation was immense, and Artemis staggered backward, bumping up against a wall. 

As his mind began to clear, he realized the voice that had spoken to him a few moments ago belonged to Holly. Shaking the cobwebs from his head, he asked, "Where are we?" 

"I wish I knew," Holly replied, sounding glum. "All my equipment is gone – no weapons, no locater, nothing." 

"Obviously. Our abductor would have to be immensely unintelligent not to confiscate your equipment. Where are you?" 

"Over here," Holly replied. 

"And where might 'here' be?" 

"How should I know? Even fairies can't see in pitch black." Artemis began walking, arms outstretched, and tripped on something very large. No, he corrected himself. It wasn't something... it was someone. He poked the person. 

"Is this you, Captain?" 

"What?" she said, startled. Her voice definitely wasn't coming from the person he had tripped over. 

"Apparently not," said Artemis. "There's someone else here, Captain Short. It must be Mulch." 

"The more the merrier," Holly quipped. Artemis ran his fingers along the wall. 

"Could Mulch tunnel out of here? When he regains consciousness, of course." 

"I doubt it," Holly answered. "I'm willing to bet that we're surrounded by limestone here. Plus, this is asphalt. No dwarf can last very long in asphalt." 

"It doesn't matter," Artemis said. "The LEP will come for us - or you, rather." 

"I take it you didn't make it into a human dwelling last night," Holly said after a pause. 

"Your powers of deduction are truly incredible," Artemis snapped. 

"Oh, but they're nothing compared to yours, are they?" said Holly sweetly. Before Artemis could respond, she broke in. "Do you know who's holding us?" There was something about her tone that gave him the impression that she already knew the answer, and was asking him this as a sort of test. Artemis thought about it for a minute, and realized it wasn't a hard question. It was a fairy, most likely a female judging by the voice he had heard, and one who had a reason to hate Holly, Mulch, or himself – or all three. And he thought the giggle he had heard when he fell last night sounded very familiar. 

"Opal Koboi." 

"Yes," answered Holly. "She escaped from Howler's Peak yesterday. Or today. Or who knows, maybe a week ago." Both of them were silent for a long time, sitting in the darkness and thinking about their predicament. It was Captain Short who broke the silence. 

"I was just thinking that most people," she mused quietly. "Manage to go about living their whole lives without ever getting kidnapped. I wonder how they do it." 

"A touching sentiment," said Artemis coldly – yet at the same time, the words seemed very profound to him, and he wondered for a moment what it would be like to live a regular life without ever worrying about the possibility of imminent capture or death. He decided it must be boring. Then they both heard a noise in a corner, and turned. Mulch was awake. 

"Owww..." he groaned, sitting up. "Who's there?" 

"Morning, Mulch," said Holly brightly. "Have a good sleep?" 

Mulch took a moment to orient himself. "Where under the world are we?" he asked groggily. 

"We're not really sure," said Holly cheerfully. "But as far as educated guesses go, Opal Koboi's cellar." 

"Why?" 

"She kidnapped us," Holly informed him. 

"Oh, that's just dandy." He shuffled to his feet. "Is the Mud Boy here?" 

"Most regrettably, I am," sighed Artemis. 

"Yes, most regrettably," Holly agreed, clearly implying that they would be better off without him. Artemis had to admit he was hurt; he'd thought Holly had forgiven him. If he had been a physical person, and if he could have found her in the dark, he would have slapped her. As it was, he just glared, which didn't do much good since nobody could see. 

*** 

**Approx. 6 a.m.**

As usual, Foaly was in the Op Room. He was madly typing away on a keyboard when the door flung open and Commander Root came in. 

"All right Foaly, what have you got?" 

Foaly gestured at the main screen. "We lost Captain Short earlier tonight." 

"Big deal," said Root. "It's probably an equipment malfunction. Besides, Short's Recon, and a captain. We don't have to worry about her even if something did happen." 

"Just hear me out, Commander," said Foaly through gritted teeth. "I guarantee you we have a situation here." The click of the keyboard punctuated the conversation. "This is Captain Short's visual from this evening. I wasn't watching her helmet feed at the time – I was busy with downtown Haven. So here she is following Mulch, she waits till they get to a deserted street, it looks like she's about to knock him out and bring him home here – but then the street's not deserted. I'm turning up the audio now." 

"Took you long enough," said a cold, petulant voice. Foaly turned to Root. 

"Recognize that voice?" Root did, of course, but he couldn't believe it. 

"Fowl? Why would Mulch meet up with Fowl?" 

"Good question. But keep watching. Holly grabs Mulch by the collar and unshields, they keep a running commentary going for a while, yadda yadda..." 

"This is a very moving little reunion, Foaly, but it's wasting my time." 

"Oh, the reunion's not over yet. There, right there – Mulch goes slack. Short notices something is wrong, and – I'll slow it down – see that shimmer? Holly doesn't have her anti-shield filters turned on. Why would she? She's the only fairy authorized to be aboveground right now." 

Root's face took on a burgundy hue. "Another fairy. I don't like this." 

"I didn't think you would. So Short picks up on what's going on, draws her weapon... but it's too late. She tilts her head, gives us a nice view of a hypodermic dart stuck in her ankle." Root groaned loudly. "She gives her helmet to Fowl – " 

"She gave Fowl a piece of LEP equipment?" rumbled Root. 

"It's not as if he doesn't already have a collection. And there wasn't anything else she could have done." 

"Fine, whatever. Is that it?" 

"Almost. Now listen up." Opal Koboi's voice, melodic and soothing, echoed through the speakers. Of course, Foaly and Root couldn't tell it was Opal; not until her tell-tale eruption of giggles. 

"Koboi!" roared Root. "How did she get aboveground?" 

"There's illegal chutes all over the place, Julius. You know that." 

"Don't call me Julius!" the commander roared, shoving his maroon face in front of Foaly. 

"Ok, ok, calm down Ju – Commander. So that's about it. Fowl goes down, and Opal sabotages the camera." 

Root's color faded until he looked relatively pale. He stood still for a moment, his face grim, and then looked at the centaur. "Foaly – Opal Koboi tried to kill once already. To kill, not capture. This probably isn't a kidnapping. It's probably murder. The captives – they're almost certainly already dead." Foaly nodded numbly. The silence that followed was so heavy he almost felt it would crush him. 

Root broke the silence, his voice steely with grim determination. "We'll find Opal Koboi. I'll put our very best on her trail." 

"Captain Vein?" 

"And Captain Kelp too. We'll find her." Root left the room slowly, repeating those words under his breath. 

"We'll find her..."

**AN: I know, short chapter, I have a hectic life right now. I have the next one written, but I'm still de-wrinkling it. It is about, quote, "Holly's mysterious past!" end of quote. This is possibly because I recently read Silence of the Lambs and found a lot of parallels between Holly and Clarice Starling. When I read Silence is EC's favorite movie, that settled my opinion that Holly is somewhat inspired from Starling. So I think I'm safe in saying that, like Clarice, Holly has an interesting and complicated past, and I took the liberty of beginning to divulge it... Ok, enough rambling. I'll shut up now.**


	5. The Plot Sickens

A/N: Ok, I decided to scratch Holly's mysterious past. Too cliché. It's still sitting in my computer, though, so one day I might dredge it up and make it into a story. This means this chapter will be a bit shorter than normal, since I just scrapped about 4000 words, and I've been typing away madly to make up for it, but not madly enough. And thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed! Stardust Firebolt, Kitty Rainbow, Rhapsody, Rockerbaby 2383, weirdo, Blue Yeti, slime frog, animefanatic07, Flamewing, Artemis Fowl the Second, Red Moon Kree and... well, everybody else who gave a review. I really appreciate it...

***

Artemis was meditating on the cold cement ground, racking his brain for something, anything that would help the captives. But he was drawing a complete blank. The problem was that they had absolutely nothing to work with. The cell was utterly empty. All of them were extremely irritable. They were bored out of their minds, and the fact they hadn't eaten in a considerable amount of time didn't help either. 

For at least the tenth time, and unexpected outburst of humming erupted from the other side of the cell, distracting him. He frowned. Despite the fact he had read more works on psychology when he was ten than some psychologists read in their whole lifetime, Artemis was finding that it was impossible to penetrate the mind of Holly Short. 

Artemis didn't know her well enough to understand why she was acting the way she was. Holly Short hated being caged and useless. When she had been a captive in Fowl Manor, she had a plan, she had something to do, and she felt in control. But here, she was wasting away. Rather than feeling miserable, she was trying her best to busy herself, which was the only way to keep from succumbing to despair. Most unfortunately, Artemis mistook her efforts to stay active in at least some form for a sort of insanity. 

"Captain, must you continue this maddeningly bothersome humming?" asked Artemis. 

"Nope," said Holly obligingly, and continued anyway. Artemis sighed. 

"I'm afraid as a last resort, Captain, I'm going to have to order you to stop." Holly couldn't ignore eyeball orders, but she had another alternative. Without missing a beat of the song, which was an old fairy battle hymn, she began whistling instead. "Captain," Artemis began testily, but Holly interrupted. 

"Aw, just shut up Fowl, don't make me use the _mesmer_." 

"I'm hungry," pouted Mulch. A noise came to Artemis's ears that sounded suspiciously like Holly smacking the dwarf. His suspicions were confirmed by Mulch's groan. Artemis felt affronted – he liked the dwarf, and felt a need to come to his defense. 

"Captain, this situation is dangerous enough without us beating on each other. Have you really gained anything by needlessly harassing our fellow prisoner?" 

"Yes," she said plaintively. "It made me feel better." 

They continued on in this vein for some time, each of them having a role to play in the conversation. It was Mulch's role to insert random complaints into the dialogue, Artemis's to act testy and try to get Holly to shut up, and Holly's to punch people who got on her nerves and sing battle hymns. The endless commentary did not abate for 2 hours, and probably would have gone on longer, had not there been an interruption.

*** 

**Dinsmore Manor, outskirts of Haven**

Things had definitely taken a turn for the better for Opal Koboi. She had been unable to believe her bad fortune when Holly Short had evaded the bomb by sheer luck, taking away her surprise attack. It would have been an ideal warning to the LEP to have blown the captain to bits, and would have caused Foaly a great amount of grief. But Opal didn't give up. 

Opal had a contact in the LEP, and through this contact she had found out that Commander Root had guessed she was behind the attack on Holly. And she had been delighted to learn that the Captain had been sent aboveground to apprehend Mulch Diggums. If there was anyone Opal hated almost as much as Foaly, it was Mulch, the dwarf who had broken into Koboi Labaratories – twice. So she hadn't been able to resist the idea of getting back at both Mulch and Captain Short in one shot. 

So Opal had begun tailing Holly, who was in turn tailing Mulch. It had been hard for Opal not to laugh aloud at the irony of it from time to time. But the greatest test of her restraint came when Captain Short and Mulch had met up with none other than Artemis Fowl. It had taken all her self-control not to shriek with glee. Things couldn't possibly have gone better if she had arranged them herself. Of course, she was only equipped with two tranquilizer darts, but it would be easy enough to subdue the human with the mesmer. It was truly remarkable how sometimes the world seemed to bend to her will. 

She was now sitting with her feet propped up, in the home of some poor, unfortunate young pixie who now lay unconscious on the floor. The first thing Opal had done when she snuck out of prison was to hack into Haven's records. What she had needed was a young, outcast female pixie who lived alone and was unemployed. It had taken almost a month of searching, but she had finally found a lonely, reclusive pixie named Phoebe Dinsmore who lived in a huge manor. Her family, who seemed to hate being around people as much as the hermit pixie, had moved into an unpopulated rural area. Phoebe had wanted to keep her job as a reporter for Haven Daily, so she had stayed at the manor. But a few days ago, Phoebe had been fired. She was the perfect candidate. 

Opal had knocked out the girl, and assumed her identity. The two looked nothing alike, but Phoebe's face was dominated by huge, thick-framed glasses which sufficiently hid her most of her facial features. With hair dye, colored contacts, and some huge glasses identical to hers, it was highly doubtful anyone would notice the difference. 

Once she had sorted out where she was going to go, she had returned to Howler's Peak. The goblins had done a fine job of pretending she was still there; all of them were eager for the extra rations that her absence gave them. Everything had gone according to plan.

Now it was time for her to make use of yet another one of the connections she was building up. This particular connection was a human by the name of Mikhael Vassikin. After the Mafia's plans had fallen through on the Bay of Kola, life had not been pleasant for Vassikin and his comrades. If there was anyone who would see to it that Artemis Fowl was destroyed, it would be them. Vassikin had been the easiest to contact, and Opal had got in touch with him as soon as she had stored the captives. Of course, she didn't reveal that she was a fairy, but claimed she was a human bounty hunter who believed the Mafia would be willing to pay good money for Artemis Fowl the Second. And Vassikin had made it very clear to the supposed bounty hunter that they were indeed prepared to give good money to get their hands on the treacherous little Irlandskii.

***

2 hours later, very little had changed in the dark cell. Mulch was still whimpering, Holly was still whistling the same song, and Artemis was still meditating in a corner – very unsuccessfully, it must be said. 

At this point in time, Mulch felt an urge to liven up things. "Hey, I found a trapdoor!" he shouted. In half a second, Holly had followed his voice and was at his elbow, and in a second, so was Artemis. 

"Where?" cried Artemis, patting the wall in an attempt to find it. 

"Just kidding," Mulch sniggered. Artemis groaned, and Holly clouted him on the head. Or she tried to, but since she couldn't see him, she missed and hit the wall. Cursing, she watched as for a split second a flurry of blue sparks racing to heal her battered hand and illuminated the cell. In the short burst of light, she caught a glimpse of Mulch's ugly, squat face crinkled in pleasure, and Artemis, his ghostly features paler than ever. 

Artemis, who had been sitting himself down again, straightened up. "Could you do that again?" 

"Why?" she asked. 

"I thought I saw something in the ceiling. It may have been nothing, but I'd like to confirm it either way." Holly never had a chance to answer, because that was when the aforementioned interruption took place in the form of a huge flash of light, effectively blinding them all. The pale, silvery-blue light that had emanated from Holly's magic was nothing compared to this, and all of them were used to the pitch black. None of them heard the creak of a trapdoor, because of the howls of "Owwwww!" "My eyes, my eyes!" and "D'arvit!" that filled the air. Neither did they hear the soft hiss of gas from above them. 

Mulch was in agony. As any good obsessive Artemis Fowl reader knows, dwarves hate light. The poor kleptomaniac was sprawled on the floor, writhing and howling in pain. 

"_Shut up, Mulch_!" Holly yelled at him. She might have been a mite nicer had she actually seen the dwarf rolling pitifully on the floor, but her fairy eyes hadn't adjusted to the light. Holly instinctively felt her way to corner wall and backed up into it, eliminating two possible ways in which enemies could approach. 

Being the only above-ground resident, Artemis was first to adjust to the light. Eyes watering in pain, he squinted into the overwhelming radiance around him. He caught a glimpse of thin tendrils of mist pouring in before, as suddenly as it had come, the light vanished. It took Artemis a few seconds to register what he had seen. 

"Don't breathe," he screamed. He sounded as if he was panicking, but in reality he was simply trying to be heard over Mulch's wailing. 

"Don't breathe?" asked Holly incredulously. "What kind of advice is that?" 

"Gas," he gasped, not daring to open his mouth for too long. Holly nodded. There was obviously some sort of ventilation here or they would have suffocated – if they could hold their breath long enough, the gas would filter out. But Holly doubted they would be able to withstand the knockout gas, or laughing gas, or whatever it was their captor was using, for that long. 

She was absolutely correct. Within minutes, all three were slumped on the ground, fast asleep. 

***

Opal just couldn't stop sniggering as she climbed through the trapdoor and into the cell via a makeshift rope ladder. This was absolutely scrumptious. The very definition of fun. It was worth everything she had endured; the pain, the imprisonment, the treachery. She realized now the things she had done wrong. She had wanted a partner, someone to brag with and share the success with, to realize her genius. But she was much wiser now. 

Opal landed like a cat on the cold floor of the dingy cell. She had never had to do much physical labour, but it was no difficult feat to hoist the limp form of Artemis Fowl on her shoulders and climb back up the ladder. She cast one last look at the two other figures in the cell. The dwarf was sprawled out on the floor, his open mouth drooling in the dirt. The elf was in the shoved in a corner, her head drooping against a wall. Opal grinned devilishly. It would be interesting to see the effect taking Fowl would have on them. She hoped it would inspire fear, frightened anticipation, maybe suspense – but in reality, she knew the LEP officer and the thief were above such petty feelings. She would have to something much more drastic to scare them. 

AN: Ok, Opal Koboi's getting psychopathic... but it's so much fun to write criminally insane villains. And it's not completely out of her character. I can honestly see her doing everything she does here. I never decided the way she should act, or any other character should act for that matter. They just act that way. It's like they're writing the story, not me.

Ok, I'll shut up now... write a review, even if it's pointless! They're so much fun to read.


	6. Back in Control

Disclaimer: I am miserable and pathetic and I own nothing except my measly plot.

A/N: I am incredibly sorry for my long absence from the computer. First I was banned from the comp, then I went to the hospital, and then I had a bunch of exams. But now everything's all better now, so I promise to start updating again.

Thank you so much, beloved reviewers! Da-xia Nariko (I missed you the first time), Blue Yeti (Your welcome, and THANK you for that piece of information on my mafia/mafiya dilemma! You are so smart... Blue Yeti the all-knowing... lol, I could see a couple people I know dressing up as gangsters for career day... funny thought.) Cassandra (I really appreciate your suggestions J thank you!), Artemis Fowl the second (Ahh, you are forgiven for your absence *grin*) The Slayer (and a very eloquent review it was too... ^_^) Stardust Firebolt (*surprise* but I thought that he fact dwarves hated light was common knowledge! How could people know the earth is round and still be ignorant of the likes and dislikes of a dwarf?!? *goes into catatonic shock*) and slime frog (HA! I thought I could injure myself with anything - I'm famous for it at school – but I don't think I could manage it with a tissue. Speaking of useless knowledge, did you know porcupines float? Aha… it's not nearly as good as your random fact, but I learned it in Science today, and thought I should share my wisdom with the world. And it's good to know I've been forgiven. Although if you don't update soon I may have to resort to harsher language.)

Anyway, on with the story.

***

7:00 a.m.

Foaly was finding it hard to concentrate on his work, so when a little red button on his communications panel began to flash, he found it a welcome relief from his duties. He pressed the button.

"Hello," he said tersely.

"Foaly, I'm sending your lab results through," drawled a voice Foaly recognized easily as the head of the Forensics Department.

"Uh-huh," said Foaly, feeling uncharacteristically nervous. Captains Vein and Kelp had successfully retrieved Captain Short's locater from an underground dump for dangerous materials, and Foaly had sent it over to forensics to scan for any evidence that might have lasted. 

Foaly brought the report up on his screen, and the Department Head continued on. "The locator had been cleaned, but we were still able to extract some dust from the crevices. The dust was highly unusual – it had extremely high levels of salt and potassium." 

"Potassium?" asked Foaly. He instantly recognized the name of the element, but couldn't think of any way Holly could have come into contact with it. It wasn't something people picked up in the line of duty.

"Yes," she sniffed. "It is exceedingly possible the dust was present as a result of Captain Short's everyday activities, but we checked her roster for the past 6 months, and she has not partaken in any activity that would result in contact with potassium or salt."

Foaly snorted through his nostrils. "She could have come into contact with salt anywhere – a restaurant, her dinner table."

"Not this salt. It was primitive, still had other minerals in it. It hadn't been processed at all."

"So Holly came into contact with it after she was kidnapped." Foaly was already clicking away at his keyboard, running a search of places that had high levels of potassium and unprocessed salt. "Anything else?"

"No, the cleaning got rid of anything else there might have been." In his excitement Foaly, cut off the connection without sparing a breath for even a word of thanks, much less a good-bye. He tapped his hoofs impatiently as the computer ran its search.

The results were not good. A fertilizer plant, which the locator couldn't have been in, or it would have shown high levels of nitrogen and phosphate, the other chemicals used in fertilizers, a factory manufacturing salt, which wouldn't explain the potassium, and a few others that didn't make any more sense. It was then Foaly realized his mistake. Holly and company had been abducted aboveground, and the search he had run only included the underground. He hurriedly rewrote the search to include human territory.

Bingo – a much more promising field of results. Foaly printed it off and went straight for Root's office. They would work through the list together, eliminating some areas and highlighting others.

***

Holly woke up with a horrible cramp in her back from having fallen asleep in her corner. She groaned, slowly stretching out her muscles. "Mulch? Artemis? You awake?" she called, her voice rasping in her throat. No one answered. She still felt the numbing effects of the anesthetic that had poured into the room, and began to wonder if her voice wasn't working. She tried again, moistening her dry lips. "Yoo-hoo, anyone there?"

She heard movement somewhere. To her right, maybe, though she wasn't sure. A thin voice penetrated the quiet. "Uhbmub..." Obviously Mulch had recovered even less than her.

"You alright?"

"Effer bedder," he mumbled. Holly mentally transcribed this into 'never better'.

"How about the Mud Boy?"

"How uhd Ah mow?" _How should I know?_ she guessed, correctly.

"Alright," she said, and sighed. It was going to be a long wait for the LEP to come and get her, with only Mulch's rudeness and Fowl's snobbishness for company.

When after a few moments of silence there was still no sign of Fowl, she frowned. With one hand lightly grazing the wall and the other stretched out in front of her, Holly began searching for him. As the resident LEP officer, it was her duty to look after the civilians involved.

She circled the entire room 7 times, judging by the number of corners she had passed, before she stopped, frowning even more. She could not find him anywhere. She tried Mulch again. "Diggums, have you – "

"Shhh!" he hissed. Holly stared into the blackness, confused. If she had been able to see, an odd sight would have met her eyes - Mulch hunched on the floor, mashing his ear into the ground, a look of utter and absolute concentration fixated on his features.

"What – "

"SHHHH!" Holly stood frozen for a few moments, not sure what to expect. She finally cleared her throat delicately. When Mulch didn't hiss at her, she questioned him again.

"Care to explain anything?"

"I felt something. Vibrations in the ground, a long way off, but very large."

Holly was instantly attentive. "What do you think? Are we in earthquake territory?"

Mulch shook his head. "It was more – controlled. My guess is a drill."

"A drill?" said Holly, befuddled.

"Yes, a drill. From a nearby mine – a human mine," said Mulch, as though any idiot should know this. This was not completely surprising – dwarves were educated from a very young age on the arts of mining. One of the earliest things learned was how to recognize the vibrations of human machinery, incase a human was drilling toward a fairy mine. Avoiding being discovered by the Mud Men was of utmost importance to the People.

Holly gulped. "Humans... how close are they?"

"A few klicks. We're not in danger of being discovered – not yet."

Holly had other things on her mind. She had heard too many horror stories about human mines to not feel troubled by the idea that there was one in the near vicinity. She had heard of their flimsy supports, of the many cases where dynamite had accidentally been ignited, collapsing entire tunnels, trapping and killing hundreds. And of course, of all the radioactive dust that went undetected – until it was too late. She slid to the floor with a light thump. "This just keeps getting better and better..."

***

Foaly came out of his meeting with Root feeling distinctly disgruntled. It had taken a lot longer than expected, mostly due to the commander's stupidity ("pota-_what?_" "This isn't science class, Foaly now start speaking English!"). And in a situation like this, every second counted.

Eventually, they had decided that places manufacturing and retailing potash – a by-product of potassium, and made from evaporated salt-water—was their best bet. This still left hundreds of possibilities, but it was better than nothing.

Worst of all had been the Commander's warning near the end of there meeting. Foaly had expected that the Commander would have moved Holly's kidnapping to first priority. When Foaly had started listing off the number of officers and supplies that would be needed to investigate and narrow down possibilities, the Commander had cut him off. "We don't have time for this right now, Foaly. 5 civilians have already been injured and one killed in riots. This will all be over by daybreak, and then we can concentrate on Holly."

Foaly had been flabbergasted. "But Commander – they're with Opal Koboi! That pixie's far more dangerous than a bunch of rampaging goblins. And this involves a Recon officer – a captain." 

Root sighed. "You know the reasoning behind it, Foaly. You know the chance of us finding Captain Short alive is about nil. I'm not going waste another civilian's life to find her body faster." His voice had been gruff and cold, but Foaly noticed the commander couldn't meet his eyes. He had kept staring down at his papers, as if the answer to his dilemma was written in them.

Back in the Op Room, Foaly swallowed his anger and stiffened his resolve. It looked like he was going to have to search for the captives himself. He wouldn't stop until he knew for certain that every one of them was dead or safe. And if Root tried to stop him, he'd get right in his purple face and punch him straight on the nose before booting him out the door. Not that Foaly was one for physical activity – he had computer programs that could do it for him. 

***

Holly could hardly believe it, but she was wishing that Artemis had been left behind instead of Mulch. At least Fowl might have had something intelligent to say. Holly had been trying to form a list of possible reasons why he had been taken, and she had finally given up when Mulch had whined loudly that the sound of her voice was giving him stomach cramps. Holly had decided it was wiser not to question this statement, feeling it was better to remain ignorant of the mysteries of dwarven anatomy. She was now continuing her list mentally. It went something like this;

_1. Koboi is removing us to be tortured or slaughtered in alphabetical order of our first names._

_2. Koboi is performing illegal tests on some aspect of human behavior _(study of humans without their consent was declared unethical and punishable by law in 1932, and since it is impossible to get consent without revealing yourself to humans, it was henceforth declared illegal.) 

_3. Koboi removed Fowl because he knows something, or he was close to figuring out something._

_4. Koboi removed Fowl because he was being ransomed off, and his family paid the ransom. Whether this means he has been sent home or killed remains to be seen._

None of the options sounded particularly appealing, and Holly grimaced. But she did, at least, have a lead she could follow.

The idea that Opal Koboi had isolated – or killed – Artemis because he was close to figuring something else seemed promising. She strained her tired mind back to recall his last words before the light had poured in. _"I thought I saw something in the ceiling. It may have been nothing, but I'd like to confirm it either way."_ Remembering what had happened before, she began running her fingers along the floor, searching for something she could injure herself with.

The best she could find was a fragment of rock. She carefully used a sharp point of it to puncture the skin on the tip of one finger. There was a flurry of light that lasted a split second – no good. She had thought she'd seen something, but she hadn't had time to get a good look. Gritting her teeth, she used the same sharp edge to scrape the palm of her left hand. She stared at the roof, knowing that in a couple seconds her magic would react to the wound – and then, there it was. The familiar, ethereal blue light pulsed dully from her hand, and squinting upwards, she could see a faint, square outline on the ceiling. It was only a fleeting glimpse before the sparks faded, and it was thin and faint, but Holly was certain of what she had seen now. Holly felt her mind and senses sharpen to a point, the way they did in action. She was in control; she had complete focus and utter determination, and it felt like a sweet and wonderful breath of relief from the past hours. 

"What was _that?_ Is there something attacking you? Did something get you?" Mulch yelped fearfully. 

"I did that," Holly said placidly. Right now she was imperturbable.

"Oh gods, please don't tell me I'm stuck in a very small room with a suicidal elf," Mulch choked.

"Better suicidal than homicidal," Holly answered serenely. The wet warmth on her palm told her she had drawn a considerable amount of blood. She wiped it delicately on her uniform, and rubbed her hands together threateningly. No little trapdoor was going to stand in the way of Captain Holly Short and freedom.

AN: Ok, ok, I finished. Finally. I intend to update a LOT more frequently over the holidays, and I am very very sorry for my long absence. Please review! They're so much fun to read, even the most pathetic, short, or insulting ones.


	7. All good things to those who wait

Disclaimer: You know the drill.

A/N: I finally updated. I just know you're allll so happy you're jumping up and down for joy. Well, I figured since AF3 is coming out in May now (YESSSSSS!!!!) I better get a move on. Except I'm taking exactly 9 classes next semester, so I'll be a bit busy...

Holly stood very still. If she moved at all, she knew her mental picture that mapped where the trapdoor was would be lost in the disorientation of the dark, and she didn't intend to waste her magic with new sparks. Careful not to twist her body angle at all, she gripped the stone in her hand and with the precision of a fully trained LEP officer, threw to where she knew the door would be. It made a thick, solid, metallic clunk. The stone dropped with a gentle thud just in front of her. Carefully, carefully, she bent to pick it up, still not losing her orientation.

Mulch was thoroughly spooked, understandably. "Captain??"

'Mulch, shut your whining trap or I'll..." Holly cut off quickly as her training kicked in. Civility was of utmost important to improving LEP public relations.

"Ha, I'd like to see you try to lay a hand on me. You LEP types think you're the top, but I could take you any day, if I had some tunnel waste on me." This was so implausible that Holly didn't even deign to respond to it.

Metal. Not much chance she could break it by herself, then. But you never knew. The trapdoor had to swing open. Hinges were a weak point. With her trusty rock, she could go after them. Not a good plan, but better than nothing. _Anything _was better than nothing.

There was another more immediate problem, though. She was a three-foot fairy, and this place was big. Built for a human, obviously, now that she thought of it.

Then it hit her. They weren't just near the mine—they were in it. Some shut off portion. She didn't know anything about mines, or how they worked. Maybe this place had been isolated by a flood or cave-in. Maybe dangerous toxins had been discovered. Her mind ran with possibilities, each more morbid than the last. She shook her head to clear them. If there was something immediately dangerous here, her magic would be kicking in. But it certainly didn't do anything to improve her mood.

A human-sized room would be at least six feet tall. Probably 8—humans Butler's size were uncommon, but still existed, and needed head room. She looked around, making a mental list of her resources. One sharp rock, several smaller, duller ones, one stinking dwarf, and one elf in an unarmed LEP uniform. She shook her head. There wasn't a chance she could get to the trapdoor with what she had.

But she couldn't do nothing. She threw the rock at the trapdoor again, and then again, dully thinking of trying to break it open that way. If it hit the hinges enough times, maybe it would break. She knew it was impossible in her heart, but she was sure going to give it her best shot.

***

Opal Koboi had passed the time idly. She had begun the basic procedures that would eventually change her appearance by dying and cutting her hair. Once her escape was old news and she was off the top of the LEP's "most wanted" list, she might go in for plastic surgery. She hated the idea, but it was necessary if she was to keep her freedom. Until then, she could run errands safely by brushing new, too-long bangs in front of her eyes and painting on 

In the meantime, she had decided it was time to take another trip to visit her captives. She annoyed with the lack of attention being paid to her hostage-taking, and she had to remedy it soon. Her ego needed to be assuaged. And besides, she needed to provide another distraction for her next move to have full impact.

The plan was to tape the hostages alive, and send the video down to the LEP. Hopefully it would get the group of buffoons moving.

Now she was walking fast, nose wrinkled in distaste at the clouds of dust that filled the dark tunnel, with a bright lamp hoisted over her shoulder. She never stayed very long here if she could help it, and always had a long, hot shower when she got back.

She frowned when she got nearer to the hostages room. She could hear thuds, slow but distinct. She reasoned that the captives were having problems with their sanity, and were punching or hitting the walls in frustration. But she would have to be careful.

***

Holly was getting more and more frustrated, and the more frustrated she was, the harder she threw her rock. Soon she was pitching it with all her might, with pieces of the hard stone cracking off every time it hit the door. Sometimes she missed, and she would have to re-orient by hurting herself again.

She had just finished one of these self-injury sessions. Still grimacing in pain and annoyance, she raised the rock back over her head. Fueled by her anger, she pummeled it at the trapdoor.

And it was, of course, at that moment that Opal Koboi threw back the trapdoor. Opal never saw the rock coming at her—neither, for that matter, did Holly or Mulch, who had both clapped their hands to their eyes to shield from the onslaught of light. The blow hit her in the forehead with a force that would have killed a human. She keeled over backward, unconscious.

It took a few moments for Mulch and Captain Short to adjust. It took even longer for them to realize that nothing was happening to them.

"What happened?" asked Holly, mystified.

"I don't know," said Mulch, still rubbing his eyes.

"Maybe it was the rock," said Holly doubtfully.

"So it's still open?" asked Mulch, as though he hardly dared to believe it was true.

"It appears so."

"Let's get out of here."

But that was easier said than done. Even when using Mulch for leverage, Holly couldn't jump high enough to latch her fingers onto the opening. She was forced to give up quickly.

As she was apt to do in emergencies, she ran through the list of resources. _One sharp rock, several smaller, duller ones, one dwarf, and one elf in an unarmed LEP uniform... _an LEP uniform! She held out one arm, judging... yes, there was enough length of material in one sleeve to work. She could tear it off at the shoulder, and then begin tearing around the wrist, making a spiral using all the material. It would stretch at about 10 feet if she made the strip thin enough. The only problem would be ripping the material. LEP uniforms were made of tough stuff.

She gave it a couple experimental tugs. It would take a long time to split it, even with the help of her rock. Too long. She cast a glance around the room. Mulch was holding his head, making small noises She didn't blame him—she hadn't been altogether gentle in using him as a launchpad. But she hoped he could recover quickly. She didn't like the idea she had, but it looked like it was her only choice.

"Mulch..." she called.

"Please don't tell me you want to try that again. It didn't work."

"No. But could you come and bite off my sleeve?"

"Sorry, I thought you said could I come and bite off your sleeve."

"Yes, could you?"

"If you really, _really_ want me to," he said slowly. Captain Short nodded. Mulch shrugged.

"Cut it off right here, please," Holly said, as if she were ordering dinner. Mulch plucked at the material, and slowly began using his pointed incisors to grind away the material. Captain Short delicately averted her gaze, distaste written on her features. Mulch worked quickly, though, and was done very soon.

"Now," Holly instructed. "Chew it into a long strip. By spiraling it to the top, if you – "

"I know what you mean," he huffed. "I'm not that stupid. You plan on using this to get us out?"

"If we weigh it down, and then throw it up through the door, we can climb up it."

"Climb? Climb? Dwarves don't climb. We can't. We have many talents, but that is not one of them. And we don't like heights."

"Fine, I'll just haul you up once I'm out. In the meantime, hurry up, before whatever opened the door decides to close it. Make it very thin, too, or it won't stretch." Mulch obliged.

In moments, the sleeve of Holly's uniform lay across her lap, efficiently mutilated. She smiled.

"How can you be sure it won't break?" Mulch asked, obviously nervous. 8 feet was pretty high up when you're less than half that size. Holly knew perfectly well that the material was meant to withstand immense strain, but she put on a worried face.

"I don't know—we'll have to test it first. Here, would you tie this around your waist? I'll tie it around mine, and we'll have a little tug-of-war to make sure nothing will happen. Very tightly, so it doesn't undo." Mulch did, and Holly went through the motions of doing it.

"Ok," she chirped cheerfully. But Mulch had just thought of something.

"Cap, what exactly do you plan to use as a weight? There nothing here heavy enough to hold done our body weight." 

Holly smiled, and without warning, seized Mulch around the waist. With one great swing, she heaved him up through the trapdoor. With a thud and an "Ooof!" he landed painfully but safely.

"What was that for?" Mulch cried.

"I changed my mind. I'm homicidal," Holly answered. She heard a sharp intake of breath. "What is it?"

"That pixie with the attitude problem is up here. Looks like she's dead."

"Really?" said Holly, not sure whether to be happy or sad.

"Well I don't know, I'm not a doctor."

"I need to get up and take a look. You keep a good hold on that rope incase it undoes from your waist, or I'll kick your butt so hard you'll never clear out tunnel waste again."

Holly was halfway up the strip when Mulch, indignant and with a sore bottom, sought his revenge by untying the rope and letting her fall. Holly had expected something like this and landed on her feet, but made sure to yell and groan and curse enough so Mulch wouldn't try it again. The second time, she got to the top.

"Going kick my butt so hard it'll never pass tunnel waste again?" asked Mulch as she crawled up.

"If I could tell the difference between it and face," she answered, before taking her first look at their surroundings.

They were in a gigantic tunnel. Layers of sedimentary rock glittered in the light thrown across the walls by the lamp, and piles of rubble were heaped around the sides. About 50 feet ahead of them, the roof dropped steeply and the walls closed in. A thick black sheet of canvas hanging from the roof blocked anything else from view. Pipes ran along the ceiling, and pieces of string with rubber tubing attached dangled down. "Where under the earth are we?" Holly asked in amazement.

***

Foaly was getting desperate. They needed someone to go and check out the possible sites, but there wasn't an agent to be spared. He had never been more angry at the Commander in his life. Though, if he had looked closer, past Root's cold, impassive, and purple face, he would have seen pain in his eyes. It hurt the Commander just as much as Foaly to condemn their companions.

Foaly had an idea now. He'd had many ideas in his lifetime, all eccentric, wild, and usually good. But he didn't think he'd ever had an idea as eccentric and wild as this one, or an idea less good. But desperate measures call for desperate acts, he told himself, paraphrasing one of Root's many mottos.

He called Root. "What now, Foaly?" came the grouchy response.

"Send me in, Commander," he said.

"What? Send you where?" Root humphed.

"Send me to look at the potential sites."

"What?"

"Send me to look at the potential sites."

"I heard you the first time, Foaly! I mean 'what' as in, 'what the D'arvit are you thinking?'"

"Well, I'm thinking that you can't spare any agents, but I'm not an agent, so I could go. There are plenty of techies who could manage this place—not as well as me, of course, and they'll need to be more than one of them. And I'll have to edit away the viruses that are programmed into – "

"What? I don't believe this!" Foaly said nothing. He couldn't think of anything that wasn't a smart remark, and that wouldn't be a wise comment at a time like this. He couldn't help but smile, feeling certain that Root felt the same disbelief that he had felt when Root had reactivated himself.

"Donkey, I think your shifts been too long. You should go home and get some sleep."

"No, Commander."

"What do you mean, no?"

"I'm fine, and I'd like to get going as soon as possible. Which techies are available right now?"

"How should I know? Look, Foaly... I know that this means a lot to you... but you don't need to do this."

"But I am," he answered. "Besides, it's been a long time since I've been aboveground. It would make a nice little holiday."

"Foaly, we need you right here, and right now."

"Julius, even I have to sleep. Eventually you'd have to bring somebody in to replace me anyway. Why not do it now?"

Root didn't even notice the 'Julius', or chose to ignore it. "You're crazy," he sighed. "Insane. You're not a qualified field officer. But, d'arvit, it would make me feel a bit better if someone was up there. All right, get your oversized behind into a bipedal uniform. Bring weapons, all of your fancy gadgets, the works." Foaly gulped. What he had done was just sinking in. He couldn't handle a weapon. But hopefully, he wouldn't have to. Just its presence would be threatening enough to force someone into submission. Or at least, that's what he told himself, in an attempt to calm down his nerves. It wasn't true, of course, and it wouldn't turn out that way.

'Garth, Aspen, and Weaver are probably best. And that new kid, what's her name... Beech. When one of them has to crash, you can bring in her," Foaly said, trying to hide his nerves.

"You do realize, Foaly, that this could take days? And you're going to have to be very careful. Only go out at night, come back in the day. There's a reason we don't send centaurs aboveground, you know."

"I know," he answered. Without any magic, he would have to rely on his instruments to pick up human life in time to hide. And only at night, when it was easier to hide.

"Good luck," Root said, before cutting off the line.

A/N: I know Mulch is being too dumb. But he's going to get smarter. Holly had her turn to be smart and save the day, Mulch's will be next. And Root is being a {censored}. But he is in a desperate situation. I bet everyone's forgotten about this story now, and I won't get any reviews... oh well! I don't write for the reviews! Or do I? hmm.

**To the Reviewers:**

**Kelti - **Glad you liked it! ehe... sorry about the Root thing. I'd noticed that too. But I'm way too lazy to go back and change it. maybe once I finish writing this monstrosity.

**The Seasyngr - **What a cool name! everyone has cool names now. Sorry there wasn't anything about Artemis in this chapter. I'll try to write a new one quick.

**slime frog - **HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! about three months ago. oh well! my birthday was last friday! I'm 15 now, and I can take driver's ed! Scary thought.

**Blue Yeti - **I promise I'll write about Arty next chapter! and I promise I'll review more of your stories! I haven't had time lately. Besides, they're all so perfect, I just keep saying the same things over and over again.

**bride-of-lister - **Thank you! I would give you a cookie if I had one.

**Artemis Fowl the Second - **Thank you too! *huggles back* Now if you'll forgive me for being such a bum and not updating, my happiness will be complete.

**crazygirly007 - **Have I ever mentioned that I love your name to death? I want to steal it! Ok, that's about all I have to say, so I'll be quiet now... go sit in my corner...


	8. Evil Russians and Ditzy Corporals

A/N: Artemis is in this chapter... but I think a lot of people are going to be disappointed, because he doesn't get tortured (not yet!) Lots of names in this chapter! Take careful notice of the fairy names in this chapter and the next... even their first names are nature-related. I'm very proud of them.

Russian names and locations were supplied by my dear, violent, and more-than-slightly insane friend Margarita, who has visited that country on several occasions. They should be accurate and authentic, but if they're not, tell me, and I'll slap her.

Notes for the reviewers are at the bottom.

***

**Kulguyev Island, Northern Russia**

Artemis woke up, very slowly. His thoughts were bland and disjointed, and his abilities of memory and concentration were not in good operational order. When he could speak, his first sentence was, "Butler, could you please bring me a sweater? It's a bit chilly." His slurred words were not quite understandable, but they did attract the attention of an abnormally large gentleman sitting in the corner. He looked tall and very bulky, although that may have been because of the enormous parka he wore.

"The kid's awake, Kovach," he said in Russian, sounding bored. The door swung open on rusty hinges, and a smaller and similarly dressed man came in. His face looked young, but if you had removed his toque, you would have found he had a conspicuous lack of hair, save for two reddish tufts around his crowns. His round, beady-eyed face was scarcely visible amid the large, exotic ruff of his coat.

"Awake, eh, Pchelka? Maybe this place will liven up. He should be making that dramatic escape Vassikin's been expecting any time now."

"Ha, ha," Pchelka barked hoarsely, after a small lapse. He was the more stupid of the two. "Maybe."

"Can't believe his put two of us on guarding this baby. You'd think he's some kind of genius from all his talkin'."

"Ha, ha," Pchelka laughed, again after with his customary lapse. "He's done a lot more talking than's good for him lately. He messes up one more time, Boss'll feed him to the dogs."

Artemis wasn't really hearing the conversation around him. He felt that something wasn't right about the situation. There was something missing. It took him a moment to figure it out—he hadn't opened his eyes yet. He couldn't see. He smiled sleepily. Of course.

He opened them wide, and saw Pchelka lurking over him with a grin. _That's not Butler_, he thought. "Where is Butler?"

"Kid's talking nonsense," Pchelka informed Kovach.

"Whoever had him used some pretty strong drugs."

"Uhn," Pchelka grunted back.

Artemis tried to move, and couldn't. He was tied to chair with thick bonds of rough material. At this moment, his memory clicked in place and he realized what had happened. "Uhhhck," he groaned.

"See?" said Pchelka proudly, triumphant that his ability to discern nonsense from sense had been proven.

"I see," said Kovach patiently.

"If you want money, I can pay," said Artemis.

"Smart kid," said Kovach switching to heavily accented English, ruffling Artemis's hair in a friendly manner. Artemis snorted in disgust. "But Boss wants revenge, not money." 

"I'm still 13. What can I do?" said Artemis, recalling fragments of Pchelka and Kovach's disbelief they had to guard a child and trying to play off it.

"It's not what you can do, it's what you did," Kovach responded, with Pchelka nodding agreeably in front of him.

"I shot my father and gave the five million. What was wrong with that?" he said, trying his hardest to seem puzzled and plaintive, and avoiding large words.

"I'll tell you what's wrong with that. There was no five million. I know Kamar and Vassikin and all those old ladies say there was, but we all know they were just covering their butts." Grunts of agreement from Pchelka.

"What do you mean, disappeared?" he asked innocently.

"Stop playing games, runt. Besides, it don't matter what you tell us. We're not in charge here."

"You're not?" he asked. Kovach stared for a moment.

"You're the kid that's supposed to be endangering us all? Do you know anything? Do you even know who we are?"

"Am I supposed to?"

"We're _mafiya_, kid." Artemis stared, and then laughed.

"Mafiya? Like _The Godfather_?"

"They're Italian," said Kovach sullenly.

"Ok, then, so, like all those evil Russians on TV? With guns?"

Kovach sighed, and turned to his partner, reverting back to Russian. "What are we _doing_ here, Pchelka? This kid doesn't know _nothing_ about _anything_. I'm gonna kill Vassikin, the big baby. " Artemis had to try hard to hide his smirk. Pchelka shrugged.

"When did he say he was gonna be here anyway? A couple hours?"

"A couple days, more likely," said Kovach sourly. "He takes his time."

"He can't dawdle, Boss'll skin him alive."

"He can too, and he will." Pchelka and Kovach glared at each other sullenly.

Artemis wondered if he could break the bonds. He struggled quietly for a few moments, to no avail, before clearing his throat loudly. "Excuse me, but my Russian is not very good. I would appreciate it if you could explain what's going on in English."

"We're not telling you anything."

"Well, can't you tell me what's going to happen to me?" Artemis didn't have to try hard to sound scared.

Pchelka and Kovach grinned for the first time. Artemis had a horrible feeling in his stomach as he watched the hungry, malicious glittering in their eyes.

"Heh, heh... You'll find out soon enough, runt," Pchelka rubbed his hands together with malevolent glee.

Artemis felt decidedly nervous.

***

**Operations Booth**

Foaly was in a state of semi-shock after being briefed by the commander, and stalked down the halls toward the Op Room that until recently had felt like home. Waiting for him there was Glen Aspen, carrying equipment and weapons that Foaly had designed but never used. He gulped, shifting his weight around all four limbs nervously.

Aspen wisely tried to hide a grin of delight at his superior's case of nerves, and started handing Foaly the weapons. "I guess you know how to use these already..."

Foaly squeaked. Aspen stared. Foaly quickly tried to clear his throat, and save his dignity. "Ah, I mean, well, actually, I could use a bit of a catch-up course. I mean, just the basics."

"Oh..." Aspen said. "Like what?"

"Like... how to aim a weapon."

"How to – how to – " Aspen garbled. For a moment, Foaly's facial coloring strongly resembled Root's.

"You know, the proper stance, and where to look, and all of that."

"You weren't kidding when you said basics, were you?" Aspen said.

"I'm not a field officer! Techies don't have to know those things. Do you?" Foaly wished he hadn't asked that as soon as he said it—the arrested look on Glen Aspen's face said that clearly, he did.

"You know, the Handbook of Technical Procedures and Regulations states that the creators of technological weapons should be familiar with weapon use so they can design them effectively for practical operation in the field – "

"I _wrote_ the Handbook of Technical Procedures and Regulations, Aspen," Foaly growled, looking at the floor. If only he had gone to a couple of those courses and conventions that were always advertised...

"I see. Well, I'll see if I can get an instruction pamphlet." The young techie left the operations booth, and returned back in a few moments with a thick brochure labeled 'On Target: An Introduction to Firing on the Range for Amateurs'. "There you go... anything else?"

"No," Foaly snapped.

"Ok, get down to the chutes."

Foaly clopped over to the door, hoping that the fact he was in charge of Aspen's paycheck would keep him from blabbing this all over the office.

***

**Police Plaza**

Things were slowing down, which was troubling. About half the goblins had been recaptured, but the other half had completely disappeared. Root's officers were still out and roaming the Lower Elements in search of the offenders, but not a shred of skin had been found. It was very puzzling, and very unnerving. It likely meant that the escaped convicts were gathering together some place and organizing an attack on Haven. Goblins shouldn't be too hard to stop on their own—but with Opal Koboi possibly on their side, things could get dangerous. Root needed every officer he had.

The momentary quiet did give Root a chance to do some thinking about the case that weighed most on his conscious. It was really up to Foaly now, but Root had to address an issue that had been ignored so far.

Holly had asked him one good question when she had found out about the assassination – "Who?" – but missed another even more important one: _how_. Root didn't know how anyone could have got into her house. All LEP officers, and Recon especially, had security regulations on their homes. As arresting officers, they were often the subject of robberies and worse from revenge-driven convicts they had put behind bars.

Foaly would be better at figuring out the technical ways that an assassin could have penetrated the security systems with, and deciphering what tampering had happened. Root could do what he was better at—investigating suspects.

He brought up a document, and began typing out a list of every person he could think of that would have access to Holly's home. He realized quickly that while he had seen her joking around with a number of officers, he didn't know who her good friends were, and he was going to have to talk to someone who did. The problem was, he didn't know who he should talk to, and didn't know how to find out. He looked over his scant list, deep in thought.

He came to the conclusion that the person he was going to have to talk to was Corporal Frond. He wasn't exactly overjoyed with the prospect, but if there was anyone who kept close tabs on an officer's social life, it was Lily Frond. She knew everything about everyone, with all the juicy rumors and gossip. Root grimaced. He hated the idea of prying into an officer's social life, but he really didn't have a choice.

He paged Lily Frond's communicator. A sugary, high-pitched voice answered. "Corporal Frond."

"Corporal, this is Commander Root."

"Is it? Well of course it is! I'd known your manly voice anywhere." Root blinked, and decided not to comment.

"I have a somewhat problematic situation here, and I was wondering if you could assist me."

"Anything for you, Commander," gushed Frond.

"Good. What can you tell me about Captain Short?"

'Her? Well, she's very nice, I suppose, but if you ask me, not the most... well, there isn't really a nice way to put it. I mean, have you _seen_ the inside of her house? It's a pigsty. And crew cuts are sooo ugly. If I were you, I'd go for someone a bit different... For example, not that I mean to brag or anything, but if you want someone you can really – "

Root cut her off, cursing inwardly. "Corporal, this is strictly business. I need to know who might have had access to her home."

"Oh, ok, well... I was just talking to Chix Verbil the other day, and he says Holly's totally gone for him, so he probably could have got in any time. And she seems to get along real well with Captains Kelp and Vein, if you know what I mean..." she said. Root gritted his teeth. He knew perfectly well that Holly abhorred Chix Verbil, and that her associations Kelp and Vein were purely professional.

"Corporal, I need to know solid facts. Does she have a best friend? Any siblings?"

'Umm, let me think..." Root could almost see the Corporal's perfectly powdered face furrowing as the gears of her brain began churning. "Her best friend would probably be... what's her name... Amber something. Had a funny last name. They _always _hung out."

'Can you get any more specific?"

"Well, it started with an 's'. I remember that, because they met at the Academy, and the lockers in the changerooms were in alphabetical order, so they had to share. They should really do something about that, you know. There isn't enough room for two uniforms in one locker, and they _always_ were crumpled. I had to iron everyday. _You_ could do something about that, couldn't you, Commander? Pretty please?" Her honeyed voice grated against his nerves.

"Maybe. Did it start with 'Sh', then, like Short?"

"No, I don't think so... There aren't that many people in the Academy, you know, and especially not girls."

"Yes, I do know, Frond. Is there anything else you can remember?"

"She was good at telekinetic stuff, I think. Or she pretended to be. Always showing off," sniffed the blonde Corporal.

"Alright. Thank you."

"Is that all?"

"Yes. Return to your assignment."

"Of course, Commander. Are you _sure_ that's all? You don't want anything else from me?" Lily Frond's syrupy voice dripped with seductive sweetness.

"I'm sure, Corporal," Root said, and cut off the line.

***

**Somewhere**

"Where under the earth are we?"

Mulch sniffed the dirt. "Someplace north, I think. It's pretty cold." That hadn't exactly been what Holly had been asking, be she decided to pretend it had. She didn't want Mulch to know of her ignorance of mines.

"Uh-huh?" she said, turning around. It was then she saw Opal Koboi, on the ground, with some blue sparks hovering on a lump in the middle of her forehead. She also saw her rock nearby, and began to laugh aloud as she realized what had happened.

"What's so funny?" said Mulch, peeved.

"Ahahaha... Opal Koboi. My rock hit her. Right in the head."

"Your rock... So that's how you got to be Captain—dumb luck." Holly spared him a glare, and then leaned over, placing her fingers at the carotid artery in Opal's neck. There was a strong, steady pulse.

"She's alive," she said, slightly relieved in spite of herself.

"Oh, joy," said Mulch sarcastically. Holly began briefly frisking her for weapons, and to her joy found a Neutrino 2000. But the second she touched it, her palm exploded in pain, and she dropped it instantly.

"Ouch!"

"You're not cutting yourself again, are you?"

"No—try and pick up that Neutrino, Mulch." He did, with a yelp of pain.

"What has she done—programmed it to reject any foreign touch?" 

"Maybe. I don't know how. Foaly probably does." Holly's stomach dropped in disappointment and, to her surprise, loneliness at not having her four-footed friend whinnying in her ear. It would have been nice to have been armed. "Well…" She picked up Opal's body, with was not difficult, as pixies were small creatures and Opal was slim. She wrapped Opal's hand around the gun, and held the body in front of her like a shield. "That'll have to do."

"The good thing is," Mulch said. "She's probably programmed her security for her DNA. As long as we're toting her around, we can probably get just about anywhere."

Holly took for granted that the thief knew more about security than she did, and smiled. Things had taken a very nice turnaround.

"So, are you going to tunnel us out?" she said. Mulch looked very uncomfortable

"Um, well, you see, the thing about that is..."

"Is what?" she asked in disbelief.

"Haven't you noticed, Short...?" Holly paused, and she noticed. She noticed that even as she stood there, her magic was churning into overdrive, making a protective seal around her skin. She knew why. She'd felt this before, in the Russian Arctic.

"Oh no..."

"Uranium. This is a uranium mine, Holly." This was not entirely correct, as it turned out, but was close enough. "I can't eat through uranium." Holly knew she couldn't ask him to. It would murder him from the inside out. He'd have cancerous tumors in a month. He was off even worse than her, without magic to protect him.

"Where do you think we are? Northern Russia?" Mulch shrugged doubtfully. 

"I don't know—I was never one for geography." Holly sighed. Just a moment ago she'd been so elated with their success. "Don't worry," said Mulch, glancing at her. "We can get out of here another way."

"You're right," said Holly, nodding. "We walk one way or another, and eventually we'll get out. Right?"

"We walk this way," Mulch pointed to their right.

"Why? ...Ah, the pipes." The pipes that ran along the roof came from the right.

"Right. Got the pixie?"

"Uh-huh. I wonder what's with the video camera..." she said, plucking the tiny contraption from Opal's pocket. She stopped again. 'A ransom tape? Do you think it's a ransom tape? The LEP wouldn't pay for us unless they thought we were alive, so she had to tape us."

"Whatever—you know more about this stuff then me."

They started moving again, with Holly muttering things under her breath. "That makes sense. That's the most plausible answer. So they're trying to get us back, then. That's always good. Things are good..."

A/N: Ahahahaha, that was fun to write. If anyone is wondering (I don't know why they would be), the day I had the idea for this story, I had been underground in a mine for 'Take a Kid to Work Day' at our school. It's very very dark and very very dangerous, with of course made it very very appealing, so I went home with the idea of writing about it. I was told that if you ever get lost underground you have to follow the pipes, and I don't know how to do that, but I'm going to pretend that Mulch and Holly do, so please don't ask questions about that. *innocent smiles* do review...

**To the Reviewers:**

**Crazygirly007** – I do like your name! It's great! It's my best friend! My only friend, actually! *further retreats into corner with padded walls* I love Mulchie too! He's my role model. So is Holly. That's why my morals are so messed up. *furious nods* And look, I wrote more! See? It's up there ^ Btw, I just read your profile, and I love your original quotes... I've gotta get me some of those!

**The Seasyngr** – Do they? I'm not alone! Haha, I should start a cult... And in answer to your questions *mysterious voice* Maybe... Actually, one of my best friends (the one mentioned in acknowledgements) is Russian, so I agree with you. Except she's also the craziest person I've ever met in my life. She won't wear nail polish because she thinks it gives you AIDS... 

**Arqueete** – That... is the biggest compliment someone can give! One of them anyway. *dances around the room* You're my hero now!

**Kyoko-san** – Don't worry, I'm not offended! I like reviews that actually say something practical and useable. Of course, I like the ridiculous, flattering ones too. I even like the flames! I just like reviews. And Arty was in this chapter... Even though you haven't found out what's going to happen to him yet *evil smile*

**Artemis Fowl the Second** – yay! I'm forgiven! *more dancing around the room* glad you liked the chapter!

**Mage Kitty** – Thank you for remembering!!! It's hard to believe anyone did, considering that I forgot it. hehe, I get high too... off of reviews, good stories, good books, and other various things. A lot of various other things. Actually, I think I'm just naturally high. *pink bubbles float by*

**Slime frog** – Teeeeeeeeeheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Incase you didn't realize, that was an attempt to send you subliminal telepathic signals to brainwash you into updating your story again, which I just finished reading. But anyone would realize that, of course.

**AleniaOceanstar** - *shock* But how can you say that? I love your stories! In fact, I'm going to pound you on the head with a fish until you update! I have no clue where that came from. Oh well. *starts pounding*

**Blue Yeti** – Your note is going to be 20 times the size of everyone else's, because your review was too J !! Actually, I was seriously considering putting a dwarf-tossing comment in there, but then I decided not to for some unfathomable reason. And you can never watch LOTR too often! I'm up to *counts on fingers* six. It would be more if there weren't so many other interesting movies out right now. I'm going broke as it is. I do have to say, though, I'm more of an Elijah fan than an Orlando one... just look at his eyes... ummmm... *drools* Peter Jackson sure knows how to cast hot guys, doesn't he?

**Blue Yeti Again** - I know EXACTLY what you mean about torturing people in your head... your imagination can be so much worse than reality, and in this case probably is... like, in Silence of the Lambs movie version, how the guy shows Starling this picture of somebody the GD Lecter mutilated... and a close up of Starling's reaction says so much more than the actual picture would have. Then, of course, in Hannibal they DO show it, which is why they are so completely stupid and brainless. You don't scare people like _that._ You leave it to the darker, more creative side of the viewer. Ok, I'll stop ranting now, I promise... it's hard. I have too many opinions.

**Blue Yeti One last time **- Oh... I have been reviewing? *checks history* ok! Well, I'm even more insane then I thought. I think I must have been reviewing in my sleep again. My reviews aren't nearly as nice as yours, anyway. Yours are so long and nice and flowy and humorous and _pro_.


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